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"Don’t body check me Bro" and other possible scenarios.

Fox news report on critical mass assault.

After reviewing the Youtube video another dozen times and seeing it again as the lead story on most local news, its still kind of baffling what motivated young officer Patrick Pogan, to react the way he did and send bike rider, Christopher Long, sailing into the sidewalk.

The 22 year old officer of the NYPD was caught on video tape, body-checking one of the 100 or so riders from last Friday’s monthly critical mass ride.

I can only speculate on what was going through the rookie cops head but here are a few possible scenarios:

Scenario 1: Christopher Long was seen by Patrick Pogan acting erratic and making loud gestures a good 20 blocks away. He was screaming some insane nonsense about…”who’s streets these were.” By the time he got to within 10 feet of officer Pogan, he said…”Don’t Body Check me Bro.” Naturally, the officer did the most logical thing to protect him from one of these crazed bike riders who would no doubt continue to speak freely.

Scenario 2: The rookie officer who hadn’t been on the force for more than a month and had originally asked to walk a beat in East New York, where he could solve some, “real crimes.” Instead he was sent to Time’s Square, an information, advertising purgatory with flashing lights and a naked cowboy. He had been asked so many times that night by foreign tourists where the H&M store was…he was going mad…why else would he be standing in the middle of the street during a bike ride of a hundred cyclists.

Scenario 3: Just doing his patriotic duty. Officer Pogan was convinced he had identified the guy who planted a bomb at the recruiting station, back in March, after all Christopher seemed, “comfortable on a bike.”

Scenario 4: His partner dared him to do it. He offered up a free drink coupon at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone, if he could knock the guy all the way to the sidewalk.

Scenario 5: He wanted to be the next Bruce Smolka. No easy shoes to fill, retired officer Smolka could take down one of these bike riders with one hand, and not even spill his coffee. Pogan, knew it would take a real man to handle one of these dangerous bike riders and prove to the force he had what it takes. I mean at 30,000 a year, you gotta do something to get noticed.

Scenario 6: Officer Pogan had heard their was a New York Rangers scout in town and wanted to show off his “body checking” ability that might land him a spot on the team. If not, there was sure to be a World Wrestling Federation close at hand.

Scenario 7: Cause the guy was on a bike

Scenario 8: Christopher Long, hates cops forearms and wanted to do his best to run directly into them.

Scenario 9: Pogan and Long were in on it together and hoping to win 10,000 bucks on America’s funniest home videos.

Scenario 10: Because Pogan was a member of the NYPD, who for 4 years now has been told that Critical Mass is a protest, that they hate cops and they hate freedom. There sole purpose is to run red lights, block traffic and create a disturbance the last Friday of every month. Pogan was just doing his job, the same type of thing that was going on since the Republican National Convention back in 04.

only this time it was caught on video tape and instantaneously put on Youtube.

7 comments to "Don’t body check me Bro" and other possible scenarios.

  • Anonymous

    great post mike! true form.
    j

  • Anonymous

    i am what you would call “on your side” but this post is just dumb.

  • Christopher John

    Mike, phuking hilarious. Scary, but funny.

  • shishi

    # 4 for sure.

  • Team

    ha!
    like the letterman top ten, cept a higher % of funny ones.

  • Anonymous

    Americas funniest home videos !!!

    Only you would think that first bikeblog dude! awesome.
    cant wait to see the biker and the cop hi-five each other (right before they lose to “football to the groin”, featuring Smolka and Revlon Peta protester )

  • Jym

    =v= Scenario 11: EVERYTHING ON THE POLICE COMPLAINT IS TRUE! Meaning, of course, that cars in the middle lane were forced to stop abruptly, even though they were already at a dead stop (as seen on the video) because, duh, there were cops standing in the middle lane. Also, the officer is a master ventriloquist who can give instructions without moving his lips (or making any sounds).