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Selling the dream

You tired of being just a plain ol cyclist?

Maybe this bike can transform you into a hip bike riding superstar.

Saw this on UPROXX.com (via @Bklynbiker)

Anyone out there in need of a bike? More specifically, anyone out there in need of a power bike?

Do you want to be noticed? Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Sleeve tattoo didn’t do the trick? Dubstep bounce remix didn’t go viral? Look no further than this bike.

The line above is from an ad for a bike that was posted on the New Orleans Craigslist board yesterday. The text of the full ad is after the jump in all its glory.

20120313-172750.jpg

I am selling my Vista Carrera 7 road bike. Perfect for the aspiring culture creator. I have recently become a Successful Entrepreneur and I no longer have the need for such trifling possessions. I drive a gigantic cargo van that literally pisses gas onto the road to mark its territory.

Do you want to be noticed? Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Sleeve tattoo didn’t do the trick? Dubstep bounce remix didn’t go viral? Look no further than this bike. Don’t even look past it in the pictures posted below. Import it into Photoshop and delete the background. I know you know how to do it, because you’re a graphic designer.

Orange body. Green accents. Pink handlebar wrap. Some silver. Black. Dirt. Are there even any more colors? There are awesome reflective stickers on the bike, too, which makes darting out in front of automobiles on dark evenings and asserting one’s absolute and total right of way even more self-righteously awesome. Dear motorist: Did you not see the stickers. Do you think I have time to just put stickers on things. I’m trying to save the world from people like you.

Read more here.

1 comment to Selling the dream

  • He who knows better

    What?!? Haven’t you been reading the news lately? Bicycles are totally illegal in New York City, as well as Nassau and Suffolk Counties! Mere posession of a bicycle in any of those areas is punishable by up to 5 years in Rikers Island prison, as is operation of a bicycle or any type of wheeled device other than trains and automobiles, on either the street, sidewalk, or alley.